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11/21/2025

To Stop People-pleasing, Get Comfortable with Discomfort

While people-pleasing may look like collaboration, it's harming you

If you're a person with a chronic people-pleasing habit, you hae probably heard all the standard advice: "Just be more assertive." "Set better boundaries." "Learn to say, 'no.'" And honestly? That advice has always felt incomplete to me and the thousands of clients I have helped over the last 20 years.

Here's what I've learned through my own journey and as a Master Certified Coach: you don't need to become a jerk to stop people-pleasing at work. You just need to get better at tolerating the kind of discomfort that comes when you stop trying to manage everyone else's emotions. Ooof...

Picture this: It's Monday morning. You are juggling three major projects when your colleague Sarah stops by. "Hey, I know you're swamped, but could you help me with this presentation? You're so good at this stuff."

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