12/12/2023

Overcoming Your Need for Constant Validation at Work

Sometimes, staff and leadership will disagree, which is okay

My client Simon had earned a reputation as a kind, collaborative leader that others loved to surround. He was the type who took the time to ask how your family was doing, to check in and make sure your team wasn't overburdened and to provide mentorship during challenging situations. Employees, regardless of their rank, found Simon easy to talk to and felt that he genuinely cared about their opinions — unlike other directors at the company.

But beneath the personable veneer, Simon grappled with a deep-seated need for approval. For instance, when he'd propose ideas during meetings, instead of confidently driving them forward, Simon would immediately look around the room, gauging reactions. Each nod from a colleague was an affirmation, but a neutral expression or a slight frown was enough to send him into a spiral of doubt. Even when Simon had every reason to trust his expertise, he hesitated to finalize anything without consensus from every single cross-functional partner. While this was framed as seeking input, in reality, it was a search for reassurance, which often delayed decisions for weeks, sometimes months.

The turning point came during a 360-degree feedback session where it was brought to Simon's attention that his hesitancy to provide direct feedback or address issues head-on (for fear of upsetting someone or coming across as harsh) had led to a lack of clear direction and boundaries within his team. While others appreciated Simon's kindness, they craved more decisive leadership. It was a tough pill to swallow, realizing that his well-intentioned efforts were now hampering his effectiveness and the team's success.

Please select this link to read the complete article from Harvard Business Review.